DE-FENSE!!

This joke never gets old.

Talk Like a Pirate Day!!

Ahoy ye land lubbers! 'Tis Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Nerdify Your Blog in One Step

I just wanted to celebrate the 40th anniversary of Star Trek by posting a pic of my favorite character.

Top 5 Must-See TV (Fall 2006)

1. The Office. Jenna (Pam) says that the season premier of The Office will pick up "in real time". I don't know if that means that we'll see what happens between Jim and Pam or not. But in any case, I'm dying to see what happens. Best show since Friends.

2. My Name Is Earl. So clever, this show. Every single character is so good. I love Randy, love Crabman, love Joy. I just love this show.

3. Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. See my post on August 20th for all my ass kissing worship of Tony. I love this guy.

4. NFL Football. Really. There's nothing like football weather, crazy fans, buffalo wings, chili, and something good on TV on Sunday nights.

5. Dog Whisperer. You laugh now, but I challenge you to start watching that show and not watch the whole marathon.

Open Cover Letter to Stephen Hawking

Dear Dr. Hawking:

I am responding to the posted open position as your assistant. I realize that you are looking for a graduate student to help you with your travels, studies, lectures and other tasks and I am willing to do all that. I know that the job will requre a lot of physical activity and I've been working out at the gym, so I'm fit to push your wheelchair anywhere. Yes it's true that I have little knowledge in quantum physics, singularity in time-space and black hole mechanics but I can assure you that I can learn pretty quickly. I'm pretty good at math, passed both high school and college calculus. I wasn't so good in physics but I think a second stab at it would prove better results.

You see, Dr. Hawking, you are one of my top ten...nay, top five heroes of all time. And I would be most honored to intern as your assistant for 2 years. My favorite is that time when you looked at the warp core prop on the set of Star Trek and said, "I'm working on that". Although silly, I really believe you could do it if you wanted.

I can send you my resume under separate cover if you think I'm qualified. I just have to make some changes to it so it presents my math skills nicer. I'm looking forward to your call.

Sincerely,
Sophalopalus

Rednecks Are Universal

So the past 2 Saturdays were spent with a German exchange student and his brother. That's always fun meeting nice new people. And what seems to happen with foreign people is that you often compare notes. Like, "do you have these over there?" or "We call that so and so over here."

Well yesterday, we found ourselves explaining the phrase "down by the river". For those of you who've been living under a rock for the past 10 years, that's a phrase popularized by Chris Farley on SNL. Anyway, we tried to explain the breed of river people and that they were often the butt of jokes for their, shall we say, antiquated and rural customs. I likened them to rednecks, to which Norman replied, "Ah yes, we know the rednecks", with a smile.

Fantasy Football Update

Since the last update, I've made 3 transfers to my fantasy team and set up a league so Jules and I can keep tabs on each other better.

My transfers:
Carragher for Mellberg due to injury.
Saha for Crouch
Bridge for Toure

These transfers were probably the best of my career so far. Saha is an ace choice compared to Crouch who hadn't played a minute on the pitch for the first few games. And Bridge was an incredible deal compared to Toure who wasn't getting me the points.

I've also reached my goal of ranking in the top half already. I'm #237,952 out of 856,198 players. In week 3, I gained more points than the overall average and only 1 point less than the overall leader did. Something I'm really excited about.

Book Review: A Long Way Down

By Nick Hornby. Yeah that's the same guy that wrote the book About A Boy that ended up becoming a movie (a good one might I add) starring Hugh Grant.

I have to say this was unexpected subject matter for a beach vacation. I just expected to buy a light reading type of book. But when I saw the author, I figured I had to get it. Besides, I couldn't find any other books that interested me.

Ok, without giving it all away, it's about 4 people who happen to meet at the top of a popular building to commit suicide and what happens when they all decide to stay alive. It reminded me a little of the Real World Series on MTV because these guys certainly didn't make fast friends with each other, they were completely different personalities and backgrounds and reasons for being at the top of the building, ready to take the plunge.

All four characters were great and the reasons they were ready to die ranged from the ridiculous to the "yeah, I would jump too". You just have to read it, trust me it's not all morbid and sad. It's quite entertaining and in the end, you'll be satisfied. I promise.

4 eggrolls out of 5

Coat Racks Reunited

Fantasy 'Football' Team:

GK: Van der Sar; Lehmann
D: Campbell; A Ferdinand; Carragher; Young; Toure
M: Sinclair; Neville; Essien; Reo-Coker; Fabregas
F: Heskey; Hasselbaink; Crouch

I've already transferred Carragher due to injury for Mellberg.
The first week of the season and I have a measly 33 points and ranked somewhere in the bottomhalf in the 500,000's.

Anyone else up for some fantasy footie and see if you can beat me?

Two Cases for AB

I just noticed that 2 of my favorite food/ travel personalities bear the initials A.B. That's Alton Brown and Anthony Bourdain. I own both their books and enjoy their shows for entirely different reasons.

Firstly Alton Brown has always made sense. Like, ok, I get it now. I know why my meat isn't all that tender and now I know what to do about it. He's scientific about things, yes, but that's what's entertaining. He's not one to follow recipes, because once you know how stuff works, you don't need no freakin' recipe! Yahoo, freedom!

Second, Anthony Bourdain is like a food master of the subversive. He takes you to far and away places and really gets to the heart of a city. Never mind doing the usual touristy shit. He wants to take you to the hidden dive underneath an alley, because that's where the locals go and of course, where the food is real. And real good.

Right now, Alton has his normal (encyclopedic in nature) show, Good Eats and now has a new show called Feasting on Asphalt, where he travels to find the food culture of highway restaurants. And don't forget he hosts Iron Chef America too. All shows are on the Food Network.

Anthony Bourdain is currently on the Travel Channel on his show called No Reservations. Tomorrow is a new episode on his trip to Beirut during July and documents his experience there as war started to erupt all around him. It should be a really incredible episode.

This Music Tastes Like Limes

So I dug out of my slow fall into old-peopledom by installing LimeWire on my computer. But I'm not so cool as to install on my A computer, I installed it onto my B computer in case I download something nasty. One of the computers has to take the fall and I don't want it to be my precious laptop.

Now, I feel like I'm young and cool like the rest of you lot.

So anyway, I'm interested in what everyone out there is downloading nowadays. I'll consider any suggestion you make and then maybe post a list of downloads.

The Planet Mars

Hey guys, I wanted to let you know that if you got an email about Mars coming close to Earth this month, don't believe it. It's fake.

This email is just making its rounds again 3 years after it actually happened in August of 2003. And the part where it's suppose to be the size of the moon is quite extraordinary, seeing as though if Mars were ever the size of the moon in the sky, we'd be in some deep doo-doo.

Sorry to spoil the fun.

How Much Fish Can a Cat Handle?

Lookalikes

Apparently, I really like Sweden. A lot.

It's Tony's Line

Remember Tony Slattery? You know, the guy on Who's Line Is It Anyway that was really funny? I almost forgot how funny he was until I caught a few episodes on BBC America. He is so funny.

Mom and Dad Like It Because It's Commercial

My sister sent me an email telling me how her trip to Hawaii was with my parents. She said that mom and dad really liked Oahu, because it's commercial. That's so funny. Yet so true. I remember one time when my mom said she didn't like Rome because it was dirty. Like, they should renovate more often and make the buildings look nice.

Anyway, Jules recommended Kaui for the snorkeling and activities. The food was good and they brought back some cheesy gifts for me. I asked specifically for a beach towel and got a brown beach towel with a graphic of a hula dancer. Don't get me wrong, it is what I asked for, I just wasn't expecting the whole thing to be poop brown. I also got a black "Hawaii" t-shirt with gold embroidering, a poncho, a key chain, a fake Burberry handbag, and a box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts.

You Think Mead is Cool, Don't You?

Yuck! Mead is gross. I don't care if you are one of those Renaissance faire geeks and think that mead is awesome. Or if you're a goth and think anything medieval is sweet. Mead is not cool. It's gross and you are weird for liking it.

Still Waiting for My So-Called Life

It's nice to have Netflix on days you don't have a damn thing to do. And it's nice to finally be updated on the latest and greatest flicks so you don't feel excluded in conversations. But I tend to look for obscure titles that they don't have or titles that are perpetually in the waiting list. This defeats my purpose of subscribing to Netflix.

What's taking so long for me to get the "My So-Called Life" tv series? I can't imagine it's because there's no demand. I want answers!

Conspiracy Theory

My whole theory on Suri Cruise is that there must be something wrong with her. Like a physical deformity or something. If it were some internal problem, her operations would be all over the news and hell, we'd be watching telethons till the cows come home. My guess is that they are embarrassed of her physial deformity which would explain why no one's seen her. Down's Syndrome would be my first guess, but I've got cleft palate and underdeveloped limbs in the running too.

Yo Mama So Old...

Ok, so it took Zidane 3 days to think through things. So it took me 4 days to think through things too.

The truth is, there's no such thing as a yo mama joke in Europe. They just don't have them there. So to tell them that a yo mama joke is a term of endearment or a brotherhood thing, they just won't understand.

But if the scenario Zidane describes was actually meant to be an insult, then I can understand where a headbutt (or in my case, a brick up the side of your head) would be necessary. I come from an Asian family, and family honor is #1. What do you think all those kung fu movies are about anyway? Everything else comes after. And certainly a sporting match comes way after, even if it is the World Cup.

So in my eyes, he was justified. But, of course, it was unfortunate that the whole world had to see it and it happened to be the last match of his well documented career. If it were at any other place at any other time, this wouldn't be headline news.

By the way, yo mama so old, when she went to school there was no history class.