Oh, To Be a Fly on the Wall

Joe: I read on the internet that the military has this thing now that makes you feel like you're on fire.

Me: Yeah, the ray gun. I read that too.

Joe: Yeah. If they had a ray gun that could make you feel like you're on fire, why not just make something that could actually make you catch on fire?

Me: I don't know, I don't think you can do that. Like, it's inhumane or something.

Joe: Yeah well, war is inhumane.

Me: So true.

(pause for deep thought)

Joe: I wonder what that meeting was like when they were planning the whole thing..."Hey guys, how 'bout we make a gun that catches people on fire?"

Me (with fingers to chin): "Nah, we can't do that. People will be up in arms. How but we just make them feel like they're on fire, but they actually aren't."

Me: I bet they still have a switch for fire though.

Joe: A dial. Like on the stove: warm, low, medium, and high.

Me: Mm, just a switch. Hot and incinerate.