We Drink To FREEDOM Toast Here

Drunk guy: Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead.
Drunk girl: What's that mean?
Drunk guy: It's an Irish toast.
Drunk girl: Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon.
Drunk guy: Huh?
Drunk girl: That's French toast.

Overheard in NYC by: Gradie Smith
Overheard In New York

Top 5 Christmas Highlights

1. My spankin' new computer. I'm so f-ing hi tech now.
2. Vacation time. I took off work between Christmas and New Years and I'm already all hyped about staying up late and watching Letterman. And waking up late. And watching daytime TV.
3. Watching people open presents. I really like giving gifts better than receiving them. And watching their reaction is part of it.
4. Playing with my new toys. I will dig out all my mending projects and get some practice with my new sewing machine.
5. Playing Blackjack at my parents' house. It's like playing at AC without the travel. I made $1.90

Does God Know About This?

A judge has ruled it unconstitutional to teach intelligent design as an alternative to evolution in a public school science classroom. Thank god! I mean, er, woo hoo!

On a side note, I went to Catholic school for 12 years and in biology class we were taught natural selection and the Big Bang Theory. I never questioned natural selection in a Catholic school. But now I see the irony.

Message to God: Hey man. I think you messed up with the pandas down here. They're animals that live in mountainous regions, right? And yet their primary food grows in tropical areas. Rather than letting nature run its course, we've got people down here at the World Wildlife Federation breeding them in captivity. Is that something you can handle? Or do I need to fill out a form for that?

There's a Sheet of Ice on the Parking Lot

Whenever the weather gets bad in the winter, people have the compulsion to go to the grocery store. The joke is that they go to stock up on milk and bread before they get snowed in, not knowing that milk and bread make nothing in the kitchen except soggy bread. A long shot would be french toast if you have eggs and electricity. The truth is that people actually do go to the grocery store...in droves. And they crowd the dairy aisle like there's no tomorrow.

Well last night was one of those nights. The forecast called for snow and ice and sleet and everything else in between. And I had to go to the grocery store. Thursday is my normal grocery store day anyway and I had to debate whether to go as part of my routine or to postpone until another day, just for the sake of sanity.

I decided not to betray my routine, as I often wind up in disaster if things don't go according to plan. So I left work early to get ahead on the wild traffic that would inevitably ensue, which of course backfired on me. It was everyone else's idea to leave work early as well and it took me nearly 40 minutes just to leave the city. It had been snowing for much of the day and it had just turned into ice before sundown, so traffic was incredibly slow moving. I decided to play it safe and stay in the right lane, I will not gamble with my life just to get to Giant earlier. By the time I passed Lewisberry, the ice was now rain and cars were a little more willing to drive faster. I made it to Giant by 6.30.

I think my decision for safety also got me there without major incident. Part of the reason I decide to go grocery shopping was because I was out of gas too. Knowing that I had to sit idle for much of my commute made me nervous, I hoped that I had enough fuel to at least make it there. So I decided to drive without turning the heat on. Yeah, seems drastic but the needle was actually on the last line and I had a slow 25 miles to go. Sure there were gas stations along the way but I didn't want to pull off and then contend with jerks who wouldn't let me back on the highway. Amazing, the needle stayed on the line the whole way to Queen St. I was lucky.

Of course I get to Giant and the place hasn't been plowed and no one put salt on the parking lot. So I practically ice skated from my car to the front door. But once inside I was amazed. Hardly anyone inside. I must've come late enough to have the huge crowds already checked out. I was able to get everything I needed, gas up, and get home in one piece. I don't highly recommend it, but if you have to go to the grocery store during a winter storm, I suggest going well after the snow has already started falling. And also go out and buy something other than milk and bread.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow

The forecast calls for snow tomorrow. Considering how cold it is today (12 degrees right now), the snow we could get will be super fluffy and pretty to watch. Joe is attempting to go snowboarding tonight. What a sucker! It's too cold for me to go snowboarding, even if I had warm clothes. It gets super cold when you're sitting on the lift for 5 minutes.

Our party on Saturday was a hit. I had a lot of fun and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. We served up great drinks and food and had a fun time with the trivia game and gift exchange. Who knew the phonograph Joe put together would be such a hit...

And dumbass Josh, of course, leaves his porn at our place. [shaking head]

Other highlights include:
* Barbie singing Frosty the Snowman and reveals that he actually has 2 noses.
* Aaron and Alisha dressing to the nines for our little shindig
* Having new people at our place for the first time, like Joe, Brett and Bobbi Jo
* Calyn getting locked out of her own apartment, thanks Paul!
* The group naming every poultry until they could figure out the Mr. Bean question
* The group breaking out into Deck the Halls, A Christmas Story-style

Baby It's Cold Outside!

I think we are finally going to get some snow. Allegedly 5 inches by morning, but we can never be sure. I'm debating whether to work closer to home tomorrow instead of trudging through traffic to get here. But then again, I checked UPS tracking and one of my gifts is suppose to arrive here at work tomorrow. Since tomorrow is Friday I don't want the gift to sit here all weekend long.

Hmmm...

I was thinking of trekking out into the cold tonight to get some shopping done for everyone else. It's going to be a rough night with the snow and other Christmas shoppers but I've done it before and vaguely remember coming out alive on the other end. So yes, I think I will do it and go out shopping tonight.

Does anyone have any ideas what a 20-something year old guy would want for Christmas? There aren't very many cool affordable things to get on the market this year. Thank god for Aquateen Hungerforce last year! If anyone has any ideas, let me know. I'll let you know how the shopping goes when I come back.

Alvin, Simon, Theodore!

I got my wisdom teeth extracted on Monday. Joe said he was surprised how fast it went. By the time he finished a 4 page article, the doctor came out to tell him we were done.

I cried when the anesthetist came out, I was scared of getting some big scary needle jabbed into my arm. It probably turned out to be a little needle that went into my hand. I don't know, I didn't look.

Joe took care of me all day Monday and he was surprised at how much I could eat. He said he wasn't in the mood to eat when he got his out. I was having apple sauce, jello, and tomato soup.

It's now Wednesday and I'm still sore and a little puffy. But thank god for drugs or else I wouldn't dream of coming to work today. But since it's the first of the month, I've got to get something started.

Random Shite #5

British boy band of the '90s, Take That, are reuniting! Robbie Williams will not be joining, but I think I speak on behalf of all Britons when I say it's about time.

I will be getting my wisdom teeth extracted on Monday morning, so I will be away for a few days. Sadly, it will also be a few days away from solid foods as well. I've stocked up the pantry with chicken noodle, tomato, and french onion soups. I would like to get some supplies for some smoothies this weekend.

I'm venturing out to the shops on Sunday. Ikea to return a few things and maybe pick up some small gifts. And possibly to the Asian market to get sushi sets. I'm at work today to avoid the hell that is early bird Black Friday hoardes.

I haven't started Christmas shopping yet, admittedly. And I'm still unsure of what to get for everyone this year. If anyone has good suggestions, I gladly welcome any ideas.

We buckled last night and turned on the heat for the first time this season. With temps getting down to 18 this weekend, no neighbor could possibly help keep our place warm enough. Damn those Canadians with their cold air!

I Like Some Turkey in a Big Brown Shoe

My parents had turkey dinner on Saturday since they are going to visit Jules on Thursday. Mmm...turkey. And this time, mom didn't cook it till it was as dry as sand. She must be getting more practice. I'm always in charge of the mashed potatoes, and then I bring it over and everything else is done.

Mom likes to make other stuff too. Like eggrolls and rice soup and deer stir fry. It's all good, the only thing is making room in my stomach to eat all of it.

All the relatives still treat Joe as a novelty. They think it's fun to tell him to 'try it', referring to any and all foreign foods that he may have not eaten before. But he's a brave guy and will try anything, much to everyone's delight. This time it was organs and shrimp paste. He refused the liver but tried the heart, dipped in the shrimp paste sauce. The stuff is super smelly and pungent, but it does taste pretty good with certain foods. I also gave him some durian fruit, which he had a few bites of and regretted later that evening. He kept burping durian fruit, and that's never something you want to relive after you've eaten.

So those are the crazy things that we have at Thanksgiving. Do you have any wacky foodstuffs at your family table?

Wish List

Dear Santa,

I would really like a laptop and get rid of the huge clunker that is currently occupying space and time in my apartment. And with that, something faster than dial up service would greatly be appreciated.

Some new cardigans would be nice, a lot of my sweaters are shrinking in the arms or shrinking all around. So if you do decide to bring sweaters this year, please check the label and make sure it's NOT dry clean only.

There are a few items that are a hassle to buy throughout the year so if you could stock me up with the following, it would be super sweet:
votive candles
liquor i.e., vodka, rum
toiletries i.e., lotion, body wash, hand soap

As you already know, I like to be organized when you come around every year. So some magazine files or some plastic boxes to keep things neat and tidy are good ideas for around the apartment.

Although I really don't need another MP3 player, I would like a new one since the one I own is already outdated in memory and people would laugh at me if they saw how little it stores. I'm not saying I want an ipod, any good quality MP3 player is fine by me.

I was very dazzled by the My Flat in London purse at the hat shop at the beach and I was good and didn't buy it. So I'm asking you to get me that purse now for Christmas. I think I deserve it. I promise I won't mistreat it if I get it for Christmas.

These are the major things I would like this year, Santa. I know I have a lot more to ask for but I'm pretty confident that my family will get me the other things. I hope to see these items under the tree, I know for a fact I was on the good kid list. Thanks Santa.

Sincerely,
Sophalopalus

Joe & Sophie's 3rd Annual Holiday Party

Food Folks & Fun!
Come celebrate the holidays with friends this season at Joe and Sophie's place.
December 10th at 9pm.
Bring a wrapped gift ($5 max please)
We'll be serving holiday inspired cocktails but feel free to BYOB.

RSVP regrets only.

Those Damn Kids!

Yesterday morning, Joe woke up to discover that 2 valve stem covers were stolen from his car. Not all 4, just 2. Needless to say he got really pissed about it. He hasn't had those for even a month and they already get stolen.

Not only is he ticked off that things were taken but he's really paranoid that someone would pay that much attention to his car that they would even notice he had valve stem covers.

I tend to think someone has it out for him. I mean, two weeks ago someone poured soda all over the side! It seems that food always finds a way onto his vehicle every single year and now this. He thinks some kid on a bike needed some bling so they stole 2, instead of all four.

I'm pretty upset because they were part of his birthday present. Joe ended up calling Pedro to see if there was anything he could do, insurance wise, and suggested filing a police report. We'll see what happens.

It's Not So Much the Carbs as It is the Portions and the Condiments

Somehow I ballooned to 118 lbs., so I’m going to try to eat half of what I’m used to and cut back on the condiments. I think cutting back on condiments alone, I could lose one or two pounds. That probably sounds alarming that I eat with that much ketchup and mustard. Plus, I need to find “exercise in disguise”. I can’t get motivated to run or get on a machine, but fun activities that involve physical movement seem to work. So yesterday Joe dragged me out to help the Codorus Creek Improvement Partnership plant some plants at the creek yesterday for 3 hours. It actually crossed my mind to go out to the clubs on weekends to dance…uh…maybe I should sign up for a dance class instead…

Prussian Blue

Let's pretend that these two girls walk up to you and hand you a pamphlet. What do you think the pamphlet says? Check out this feature from ABC and find out.

Scary shit!

The Seat Manager

Jules: In an effort to give people something to do, the IT department has developed a software program that allows the office employees to reserve their desk space on a day-by-day calendar. Because apparently, sitting in the same cubicle everyday just isn't as well documented as it should be. http://seatmanager/WayneSeats

Me: I’m bummed out that the link doesn’t work for me. I’m dying to see what it looks like. Can you do a screen print and send me a word doc?

Jules: As you can see, seat 1 is currently available for you to sit in.

The Whitehall Mystery

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. Joe and I love dressing up, this year our official costumes were the Wicked Witch of the West and Flying Monkey. We attended Aaron and Alisha's yearly costume party and won 2nd place! We also went to our new friend "Joe Black's" party, he had this awesome ice luge to take your shots on. Crazy!

We also had back up costumes for the previous night's party at Clint's. We went as scientists and Joe bought dry ice to keep our beakers bubbling with double trouble.

Anyway, it being Halloween and all I wanted to share a true story...read on!

The Whitehall Mystery (courtesy if Wikipedia)

On October 3, 1888 a headless and limbless torso of a woman was found dumped in a vault of what was soon to become a section of the cellar of the New Scotland Yard. An arm belonging to the body had previously been discovered floating in the Thames, and one of the legs was subsequently discovered buried near the spot where the torso was found. The other limbs and head were never recovered and the body never identified.

The Whitehall Mystery and the Pinchin Street Murder (which happened almost a year later) were thought to be the work of a "Torso Killer" or "Torso Murderer" but was never certainly connected to Jack the Ripper. To this day, the Whitehall Mystery has been connected to the legend of Jack the Ripper, who also has never been identified.

The Many Moods of Sophalopalus on 10/26/05

I was not having a good evening yesterday. After I left work, I headed over to my parents' house to help my mom with her health insurance. Her employer requires health assessments every year as part of benefit coverage. The thing is the assessment was online. And my mom does know how to use a computer. So it took probably a half hour for her to log in.

She's the type of person that doesn't read. So she wants to click whenever she sees a 'click here' button. No matter what the button is for, she sees one and thinks that's the one she needs.

Mood: very aggravated.

Then my mom told me that my dad did not get his job back. So he's pretty much up shit's creek. I don't know where he's going to find another job that will pay him as well as a government job does. It still interests me what he did to lose a government job. It must have been bad though. So right now he's working where my mom works for half the income he would normally get. Mom says he will probably have a nervous breakdown.

Last night, I felt very bummed out with this news and thought there would be something I could do to help out. But Joe told me that there really isn't anything I can do, it's his fault for doing what he did. My dad has to be willing to ask for help if he needs it. I think he's already knee deep in debt and will need help very soon.

Mood: sunken with worry and guilt.

On the way home I stopped at a Halloween store to pick up odds and ends. They didn't have any brooms! Go figure. Apparently witches don't use brooms nowadays. I should've just bought one the very first time I saw one. Stupid me.

Mood: Disenchanted.

So I get home and the only thing I can see is how dirty and disorganized the whole apartment is. Food particles all over the kitchen, cat constantly pulling garbage out of the trash, fur all over the place from working on the costume, nasty bathroom...

Mood: peeved.

Whenever I feel crappy I always get the urge to kick.

I Heart IKEA

I like Ikea, I don't love them, they've done me wrong before. But I do like them. I like the fact that you can buy furniture and not be stuck with it for the rest of your life. It's cheap enough that you can change your style pretty often.

I picked up some nice accessories this weekend that help Joe and I get better organized with the stuff that's laying around all over the place. We got this big side board to tuck away our crafts and tools and it also provides us with counter space to work on projects and entertain. I'm so psyched about it!

Joe, on the other hand, is more excited about the fact that the stuff fit in his station wagon. He pretty much thinks he's conquered the world now.

Hooray for the Swedes!

Paperplates Estate

I wanted to comment on a blog that I added to my links a few weeks ago, it's called Paperplates Estate. It's about a guy somewhere in Colorado venturing into (presumably) Colorado social life and tells us the crazy things that happens along the way. Did I mention that the guy refers to himself in the third person? I guess that's normal for a guy that's (presumably) named Paulo and likes to taunt people with his moustache.

Anyway, the guy is actually funny. Whether the stories are true or terrifically embellished, Paulo has an uncanny ability to get into, let's say, situations. And his observations are truly spot on.

Reading his blog actually makes me want to meet this guy. Maybe that's a bad thing...I'm not sure.

What Would You Do?

Ok, so I don't have pictures to post. My home computer is crap. But once I figure out what's wrong with my computer at home, I'll download pics from my camera and show you what I said I would show you.

Anyway, yesterday someone in Oregon won the big old Powerball jackpot worth $340 million. So here's the game...it's called WWYD. What would you do if you won the lottery?

I would pay off my student loan
Buy a Mini Cooper
Buy a bureau for the extra room in the apartment so I can hide the junk
Donate clothes that are more than 5 years old (which is probably 33% of my wardrobe)
Replace what I donated with newer things
Quit my job and open a hat store
Supply farming tools to Africa
Buy a flatscreen TV
Buy a laptop computer and subscribe to high speed internet
Rent a parking spot in the garage across the street
Supply gardening tools to the Codorus Creek Improvement Partnership
Start looking for a summer property
Take a long bus tour of Europe
Give $5 million each to my immediate family
Buy Joe his own cell phone and his own motorcycle
Enroll in a master’s curriculum
Go wild with the Christmas presents this year
Start looking for a house
Throw a big Christmas party
Import a vintage Vespa in good working condition
Rent Merry Maids to clean once every two weeks
Buy a new mp3 player and subscribe to yahoo music
And put the rest in a bank account

Your turn.

You Know You Have Too Much Time When You Start Dressing the Animals

Ok Ok, so cats aren't dogs. They aren't suppose to wear funny little outfits and walk around with hats and stuff. But I saw these dog costumes at Target and had to get one. I got a Santa suit last Christmas but had to return it because Felony refused to keep the dang thing on. This time I saw a little bee outfit that would fit Athena. It's a little black and white coat with a black hat and two yellow balls for antennae. It's so cute, but Athena just lays there with her outfit on. She walks really deliberately

She doesnt struggle to get it off but after an hour she eventually wiggles out of it, I was fortunate to have it on her long enough to take pictures. Check it out.

Top 5 Desert Island Movies

1. Grease
2. Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels
3. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
4. Star Wars Episode 4
5. Napoleon Dynamite

Thinking Ahead

Oh man, holiday season is just around the corner. Once Halloween hits, it starts a domino effect of holidays that just make me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Halloween
Thanksgiving
Christmas
New Years

I love planning for parties, Aaron and Alisha are throwing their annual Halloween party and we can't wait. This year they are making it pot luck, so now that costume worries are out of the way, the next thing to start thinking about is the food. This weekend, I would like to do an Iron Chef Pumpkin Battle at home and test out some recipe ideas. Of course there will be roasted pumpkin seeds, but I was thinking about making pumpkin soup, Joe wants to make pumpkin bread, and there are a few other ideas I want to try out.

Our new friend, "Joe Black" is also throwing a Halloween party the same night. We still plan to make an appearance at this party. It's important to me to do more things with new people we meet. Joe and I just don't have enough friends.

After that, it's doing the rounds with family for Thanksgiving. I love this part too, the more turkey I eat the better, I say. Food is my favorite.

And then it's Christmas time, which is so great. I love buying gifts, it's definitely a joy for me to think about Christmas gifts. And I pretty much do it all year. Everytime I hear someone talk about something they've been looking at, I tuck it away in my mind and keep my eyes peeled for when Christmas time comes. And we're planning on throwing our 3rd party this year, which I'm looking forward to. The decorations and the gag gifts are such a highlight for me. I can't wait.

It's Boston Tea Party, Not Boston Birthday Party

I woke up yesterday morning at 4:30. I had to make a flight out to Boston by 6:45 so I had to get out of my cozy bed. I wasn't thrilled about it. It was chilly and rainy and dark. And that's not really conducive to waking up.

Anyway, I drove all the way out Harrisburg, boarded a tiny plane with seats enough for 36 people and landed in Logan by 8.30 am. Still not really happy to be awake. Before I got into a cab, I called Joe at work. It was his birthday. I just wanted to let him know that I landed safely and was ready to take a cab into the city. He told me it was still raining and that it would probably rain all day. Bummer. I guess he won't get his car detailed after all. Good thing I stopped by the dealership the day before to pick up valve stem covers and an emergency triangle. He thought the valve stem covers made his car look really cool. OK.

I spent the day in a fancy building meeting my co-workers for the first time. That was actually nice. To put a face to a name is much better than talking to someone for months that you've never met in person. We all sat in a room talking about our plans for the rest of the year. We took an historic trolley tour of the city, which was alright even though I've been to Boston many times before. And then we ate dinner at the Elephant & Castle. I know, I know. Who decided on the Elephant & Castle? There's already one in Harrisburg, I didn't have to go all the way to Boston to eat lamb stew.

Can someone tell me why there are 2 Dunkin Donuts on every block in the city? That's a little obsessive about donuts, don't you think?

The nice part was that I got to the airport and saw that the last direct flight was delayed. I had time to switch my late layover flight to this earlier direct flight and actually got home 2 or 3 hours earlier than scheduled. I even had time to visit Joe at band practice. So I felt like I didn't miss his birthday entirely after all. And that put a smile on my rashy face.

Random Shite #4

Bank holiday comes six times a year
Days of enjoyment to which everyone cheers
Bank Holiday comes with a six pack of beer
...then it's back to work A.G.A.I.N.

Fantasy Football Update: I traded Trevor Sinclair out since he's out on injury with no return date. I put in Morten Gamst Pedersen from Blackburn. Currently ranked 7414th in the world and still beating Jules! Ha!

I went to Target yesterday and bought a dog costume for my cat. It ended up fitting on Athena, so she'll go as a bee for Halloween. She's not very happy with the costume on but she doesn't struggle to get it off either. Pictures to come!

Most people I know have these things on MySpace. So apparently, I'm out of the friend loop because I'm not on MySpace. Screw it! I'm way cooler because I use Blogger! MySpace? My ass.

Operation Surprise Birthday Present is in Progress

OK, I just made an appointment with Gary to come out next Thursday to detail Joe's car. I had apprehension when he said he operates by appointment out of his vehicle. But then after talking to him for about 10 minutes, I felt like he was a real professional and that he wouldn't screw up Joe's car like the windshield repair guy did. Did I tell you that story?

When we went to the beach, a pebble flew out of an SUV and chipped Joe's windshield. (All SUV's should have mud flaps!!) I think he almost cried. Anyway, he got Safelite or a similar windshield repair company to come out to fix it. Wouldn't you know that the guy sprays solvent onto the windshield and then puts the can directly onto the hood of the car! There was a ring on the hood after that, the solvent must've bubbled up the paint. I think Joe almost cried for the second time over his car. He eventually got the ring buffed out, but that was probably the last time he'd trust some guy with his car.

So I asked Gary if he had any references. He said that he details the Budweiser trucks at the distribution center and that he also details the cars on the Mercedes lot behind Saturn. So I guess that means he's good. If a car dealer can trust him with his Mercedes and a few Jags, then hey, I guess I can trust him too.

The fact that Joe doesn't read this is good, otherwise my surprise would be totally ruined. I will unfortunately be in Boston on business that day so I won't get his reaction until Friday morning. I hope he likes it. Can someone take a picture of his happy face for me?

I Have An Office. Hip Hip Hooray!

Believe it or not, it takes 5 different people to agree that I can have an office. Why all the red tape? Beats me and who cares, I have an office! I feel so important now, especially since I have a real door that I can shut instead of a pretend door that I imagine shutting when I need imaginary privacy in my former cubicle.

You wanna know something funny? There was a coating of sugar in the top drawer when I opened it. The previous inhabitant must've liked sugar...a lot.

Do you watch The Office? It's a very funny show on Tuesdays. I like it because the boss is so clueless, it's almost painful to watch the situations he gets himself into. And watching awkward silence on television is...well...awkward. You should see it sometime. Really.

Review: Corpse Bride

I read before that Corpse Bride is based on a Russian folktale. A folktale, huh? I thought folktales were suppose to have a lesson in the end, or am I confusing that with something else...

Anyway, Corpse Bride is about a young man named Victor who has been arranged to marry a young girl named Victoria. Both parents have it in their head that the marriage will finally bring them into wealth, not knowing that both families are actually in the poor house. Victor gets cold feet and then goes into the woods to clear his mind. He practices vows on what he thinks is a tree branch and finds that he accidentally slipped the ring on a corpse, thus reviving her from her grave. Victor spends the rest of the film trying to return to the land of the living, while the Corpse Bride tries to keep him. As any folktale, there will be a happy ending.

This movie is rated PG, which I suppose is appropriate. It's not too scary for young children, aside from the scary music. And it's definitely an offbeat fairytale compared to something like Cinderella. Maybe a Cinderella for those little goths in training.

The only complaint I have is the ending. I think it wraps up too quickly. For something rated PG, they should make it a little more explicit that a happy ending occurs - for instance, we never do see a proper wedding, so how are kids suppose to know what happened in the end? Adults can fill in the blanks or Tim Burton intended to leave it to our imagination, but the younglings might not have an idea.

It's a fascinating study in stop motion animation. You can see the painstaking quality in the production and the music that fits like only Danny Elfman can. This is worth seeing in the theatre, but only for matinee price.

My Movie Ratings
Worth seeing in the theatre...at full price
Worth seeing in the theatre, but only if it's a matinee.
Worth renting.
Wait for it to show on cable.

Wedding Du Jour, Part 3

Ok, this is the last of a 3 part series I'm doing on the weddings that I've attended in September. Now that September is over, no more weddings!

Again, it was a wedding for one of Joe's cousins, John. It was a very informal ceremony outdoors at a reception hall. The outdoors part was much to the anguish of Grandma Metzger, as she thought John should have had a wedding at a church. "12 years of Catholic school...!", she cried.

John actually cried whilst repeating the vows and Caryn kept her cool. I thought that was awesome. Mike the Best Man even called him on it in his toast.

We sat at a table with Joe's parents, Aunt Arlene and Terry, Chad and Cousin Jennifer, and Cousin Amanda. Jennifer must've been frontloading before the wedding, because one glass of wine and she was already rowdy, pointing at Cousin Adam who finally publicly showed up with a boyfriend, and laughing at some overzealous dancers. Oh well, it made the evening interesting.

We chowed on prime rib, which was actually good. (We passed on the other options - chicken and shrimp or vegetarian.) The green beans were pretty tasty, although Joe despises any vegetable being cooked at all. The twice baked potato however, was a little sketchy. It was pretty obvious that the potatoes were kept in the oven at a low temperature to keep them warm, because the outside got dry and papery. Overall, not too bad. The rail drinks were free, anything fancy was cash-only. That's ok, I can totally understand that.

We avoided the dance floor all night until the very last dance. Cousin Ryan dragged us out there and we had to cut a rug real quick and then go hide ourselves. Well, I wasn't really scared of the dancing, it's just Joe that I'm scared of. He pulled out some Fonzi move where he dances with his thumbs out. [Shrug] Beats me, I don't know where he learned that.

Overall a very nice night. It was especially nice that flip flops were the dress code, made things so much more comfortable.

Get Your Salmon While You Can

Jules: Warning: get your pacific salmon now. Global warming is disrupting the salmon cycles in Alaska and that is resulting in parasites in the Yukon River.

Me: So what your saying is: stock pile while you can! Horde horde horde. Do not share with those less fortunate to catch their own salmon, they will perish - leaving you with yet more fish!

Jules: Well Woody took elementary hunting skills in school, and since he's (presumably) from Alaska, I shouldn't have any supply issues. Besides I work at Wegmans. You on the other hand are subject to the laws of survival of the fittest.

Me: Hmm. Sounds like I need the help of Dog Translucent.

Random Shite #3

What's up with last night's episode of Lost? Is it me or did it get us nowhere in the plot? It basically ended in the same exact spot as it did the previous week. I'm going to have to stop watching this show. File this one under the same category as Law & Order. I just can't watch without getting aggravated.

Why do I get stuck with the morons? I'm trying to train someone how to use excel and it took 3 hours (yes, 3 hours!!) to accomplish what could be done in 20 minutes. UGH!!

Did anyone read the news article about how the Danish government compensated Santa for accidentally flying a jet over his farm and killing Rudolph? Yeah...um...was that for real?

I'm adding 4 more links to my blog. The Meaning of Tingo and The Language Guy - I found these blogs to be really interesting, I hope you do too. Paperplates Estate and Chuck Taylors in Gotham - these are personal blogs that are pretty entertaining, at least for me they are.

If you get a chance, go to Google. Type in the word "failure". Then click I'm Feeling Lucky. Some White House intern is having too much fun...

Chop Chop Master Onion

I was watching G4TV last night when they showed the new controller for the Nintendo. Like what?! How are you suppose to use that?? It's basically a remote control that you hold in one hand. So....how does this things work again? And why can't you use both hands? What was wrong with a controller that you use both hands for? I don't get it.

Anyway, my confusion somehow lead me to the game Parappa the Rapper. If you remember this raise your hand. It was an insanely addictive game where you have to keep up with the rapper and press the buttons as you were prompted. Sort of a Dance Dance Revolution for your hands.

Anyway, the addictive part were the characters and the raps that you were supposedly learning. For instance, level 1 you're learning from an onion-headed karate master how to chop, kick, punch, etc. I realized then that it was Shaggy's voice that was Master Onion. And somehow, it made it more catchy.

What was the point of the whole thing anyhow? I actually had to look this one up. You are Parappa and you are pining for a character Sunny. In order to win her affections, you have to learn how to rap (I know, when would this ever happen in real life?). So you have to pass all the levels and learn the different styles of rap in each level before you can impress Sunny.

Ahh, if only things were that easy...

I'll Get You My Pretty!!

Joe and I have agreed. We are doing Wizard of Oz this year for Halloween. I told him I wanted to do something scary for this year, so I will be the Wicked Witch of the West and he will be the flying monkey.

We've already run into costume problems. On Sunday, we went to Jo-Ann Fabrics to find a pattern and pick out fabric. We found a pattern that was "close enough" but we are having trouble with the fabric. We found what we wanted, but wouldn't it be typical that there wasn't enough of it to complete the costume. There aren't many fabric stores in the area, in fact that is the only widely known fabric store around. So we are a little worried that this won't work out.

I remember from my childhood a giant warehouse fabric store that my mom used to go to for remnants. She'd make blankets out of the remnants for the beds when we lived in the city. And then I remember my dad went there for vinyl to re-upholster the car interior. I'm hoping I can find the place and I'm hoping that it's still open, because that might be our last resource for the materials we need to make a flying monkey.

Time is running short, we'll have to devote lots of man hours to pull this off by the time Halloween comes around. And we don't want to disappoint everyone, I think people are starting to expect good costumes from us. In past years, we've done some very convincing and award winning costumes - both scary and funny, and couples costumes and separate. Here is the rundown of costumes we've had the past years. You'll see how each year seems to get more and more tricky. I sometimes wish we could go back to the simple costumes.

2004: Edward Scissorhands and Catwoman
2003: Willy Wonka and Oompa Loompa (the Gene Wilder version)
2002: Thug and Dead Bride
2001: Big Joe and Mardi Gras reveller

A Friend In Need is a Friend Indeed

What do you say to someone who suddenly lost a loved one? This is what I said to myself last night after I picked up the Sunday paper. The headline read that a man was accidentally shot in the head while out hunting. The name of the man caught my eye. I instantly scanned the article to make sure my eyes were not tricking me, yes, it was the man I thought it was.

I didn't want to call Dana immediately. I thought "what if she doesn't know yet? I don't want to be the one to tell her". I figured it would be best to wait. Partly because I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news and partly because I didn't know what to say anyway.

I talked to her this morning, and she's broken. I couldn't help myself from crying, I'm just a cryer no matter what the situation is. But I heard heart break in her voice and I lost it. The wounds were still fresh from when they broke up but they had just cleared the air the previous night and made amends with each other. It wasn't a mistake that they had that chance, he was gone the next morning. I'm sure that is at least a bright light in her eyes.

She'll be grieving for a while. And that's ok. There will be a day sometime in the not so distant future when she won't be sad anymore and she can look back on the days she had with him and smile. I never did figure out anything good to say when I talked to her. But I don't think that was the point. You can never say anything good or clever when there is a death. Except that you're there if they need you. And that's probably the best thing to fall on her ears for now.

I Am the Walrus

I'm leaving a little early today to go to West Chester to meet Jules. We're going to see Paul McCartney at the Wachovia Center tonight. That'll be fun, at least see one of the still-living Beatles before he dies.

I remember a few years ago, after George had just died:
Me: Man, remember when they were all still alive? Now only half of them are left.
Jules: No, I was born in '82, remember?

Oh snap! I can't believe that the youth generation are now the generation not to have been alive when all of the Beatles were alive. My, how times are a-changin'.

I have complete respect for the Beatles and what they've done. And sometimes I feel like I could wring someone's neck when some kid stands on their soapbox, claims they are a music guru, and yet doesn't know squat about the Beatles. How do you know music if you don't know the Beatles???

Because everyone knows that, no matter what you are listening to today, it was already done...by the Beatles. They were the architects, shall we say, of the entire music landscape we know today. So show your respect, you dumbass kids!!!

Diet Dr. Pepper Really Does Taste Like Regular Dr. Pepper

I don't know about you, but I can't get used to the taste of diet food. There is a distinct flavor of chemicals in that food that I find it surprising that normal people with good judgment actually say they can't detect. I can tell diet food from a mile away, by taste alone. And I'm no expert. So I find it unusual that people can't taste the chemicals.

That stuff is not good for you, mark my words. If you read the ingredients and you can't pronounce them, why the hell should you eat it? And don't be fooled by the fancy scientific names. Science is not English (if you watch Alton Brown, you know what I mean) and therefore you should not consume food made by science. If it grows from the ground, comes from the ocean, or walks on land, then I think it's suitable for consumption.

Case in point: synthetic fats. Remember those WOW chips? I guess they made that stuff so that you won't actually get fat (which to me is the exact opposite of eating chips in the first place). But who wants to have the runs after you've eaten a couple of chips? That doesn't sound natural!

And the new nutrition facts item of the year: trans fats. Listen, this isn't a new thing they've come up with. Trans fats are the same as laboratory engineered fats and they've been using it since the days when they stopped frying stuff in lard. Trans fats aren't naturally processed by the human body, so don't be surprised if you have Olestra flashbacks.

Substitute sugar is also on my hit list. In my opinion, this is the main culprit of that suspicious "chemical taste". In most professional's opinion, sugar is actually better for you than those substitutes. I swear the fine print on the "pink packet" said that they found that the stuff caused tumors in lab rats. You can give me any taste test and I will still know diet soda from regular soda. I almost got fooled today when I opened a bottle of Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. That stuff actually tasted alright. But I discovered that cold soda can do that to you. Just let it warm up so that it's not ice-cold and you'll tell that there's something weird about the taste. It's the substitute sugar.

Oh and by the way, Splenda isn't sugar. Don't believe them!

Next on my hit list: margarine. One of my friends insists she read somewhere that margarine is one molecule away from being plastic. While I can't vouch for this, I can say that it tastes like it's one molecule away from being plastic. In fact, I think margarine tastes too buttery that it doesn't taste like real butter any longer. They went through all lengths to come up with a healthier version of butter that they ended up making something worse.

And trust me, real butter tastes better. Real food tastes better. If you live an area where they still do things the old fashioned way, I recommend that you get out and taste what real food is. Hey, if it's not real...it's crap!!!

Otherwise, fly to France.

BTW, I'm no dietician. In fact I've gained a little weight in the last several year. But I also don't have serious problems with my internal organs.

Top 5 Desert Island CDs

So the new season of Lost starts tonight. I've unfortunately been sucked into it. I tried to avoid it as much as possible, but you know how summer television can be a joke, I ended up watching reruns of Lost and now I'm hooked!!!

If I were a castaway, like the ones on lost, I would list these as my top 5 desert island CD's:

1. Definitely Maybe, Oasis
2. Weezer (blue), Weezer
3. Parklife, Blur
4. 1977, Ash
5. I Should Coco, Supergrass

What would yours be?

Top 5 Tragedies In Music Today

1. Ashlee Simpson has a second album. Say what? She should've been drawn and quartered after the first one.
2. The Click Five. Ugh, more like The Click OFF.
3. Britney Spears bears child. Oh no, take cover! The devil has begat a son!
4. Old rockers looking for young blood, it's just totally gross. I have 2 examples: Tommy Lee and Billy Idol.
5.Michael Jackson recording charity song. Only because he doesn't have his own money to donate and that's a real tragedy.

Think you can add to this list? Go ahead and give it a shot, you can post through comments or use the tag board.

Wedding Du Jour, Part Deux

On Saturday morning, Joe and I woke up early to go over to his parents' house. We packed and fed the cats and then told them we'd be back tomorrow morning. Whatever, they don't care. As long as they got fed.

We picked up Joe's mom and then took a two and a half hour drive to Bethlehem to meet up with the grandparents. The drive wasn't too bad, I finally got my Martha Stewart magazine on Friday, so I read it on the ride up. That Martha, I tell you. She's so clever with the Halloween decorating ideas. Did you know you can cover your cheese ball with black sesame seeds to make it look more devilish? No? Well thank Martha! There are also good articles on growing your own garlic, the essentials of a tool box, and a family pumpkin farm. This is a must read, October is usually the best issue of the year.

But I digress. Anyhoo, the church part wasn't torture like I thought it was. The bride, Joe's cousin Erin, looked beautiful. All the groomsmen, the father of the bride, and the groom himself (Jimmy) wore brand new matching skate shoes. Except Jimmy's pair were gray, the others were black. It definitely set the tone that things weren't going to be stuffy and formal. And I like that.

A few relatives thought it wasn't appropriate to give gifts, since this was Erin's second wedding. "She already has tea towels, and such", they said. But the fact is, it was Jimmy's first. And I don't think it's fair to Jimmy to have that sort of mentality. They ended up getting a million cards anyway. Joe and I looked up their registry at Target and got them a 3-tier pillar holder and matching pillar candles.

The reception was your typical reception held at a hotel. A buffet dinner with a little of everything - roast beef, rosemary chicken, pasta with red sauce, roasted potatoes, green bean almondine, salad and hard rolls. I must say that it tasted like typical hotel food. The beef was good, the chicken was dry, the beans were good but overcooked for my taste. Although the dinner overall was good, I said to Joe that I liked my cooking better. But at the hotel's defense, it's very difficult to cook for a crowd.

Hors d'oeuvres before the dinner were very good. A very nice cheese plate, with Swedish meatballs (I love meatballs!) and fried dumplings. The cake was simple and I thought it tasted good. The topper showed the bride dragging the groom behind her, I thought that was cute. Open bar, hey I can't complain, I had peachtree and cranberry juice all night.

One guy was a little ticked off that we switched him to a different table before he even got there. Well, we have Aunt Karen to thank for that, I guess. It was her idea to move everyone around even when she was tables away herself. We convinced Aunt Jane to do the electric slide. And the dancing all night was crazy. Young and old were cutting a rug to the Black Eyed Peas.

Overall, the night went without a glitch. A very simple and relatively inexpensive wedding. And what really counts is that everyone had a good time, which it looked like everyone did.

So next week is a week off, I'll be going to a Paul McCartney concert on Friday with Jules. But the following week is back on, another wedding for another of Joe's cousins. So look for part 3 of my wedding du jour series. Later!

Random Shite #2

Yep, the dentist agrees that I should get my wisdom teeth out as quickly as possible, as I'm getting older and it gets more difficult with age. Only thing is, the only oral surgeon covered by my insurance is in Harrisburg. I don't know who I'll find that will drive me up there, wait, and then drive me back. Such an inconvenience!

Jules sent me an email from her on-assignment location in Salisbury Maryland. Seems as though some government building is next door and they just went into code orange. A white powder substance was spotted on the sidewalk and on the doorknobs. This is her email...

The police next door taped off the entire plaza, citing a white powder along the walkway and on the door handles of the courthouse. It appears the entire population of Princess Anne has convened in the parking lot. Biohazard crew workers have swabbed the area (while unmasked others wandered around without caution) and placed the samples in a Hecht's bag. We were told we can leave the building but not to wander around to the left.

She has since received an all clear. Too bad she didn't have the gas mask dad gave us a few years ago. That would've been convenient then, eh?

I'm headed to yet another wedding tomorrow, of which I will comment on upon my return. It will be part two of a three part series I'm doing on weddings I'm attending this month. So I'll be up early tomorrow morning for an overnight trip to Easton PA. Another day with the Metzger family....

Working across the street from my home is very convenient, as I've gone home for lunch and to do some chores. I vacuumed the high traffic areas, put the dishwasher on, dried and folded laundry. I feel so accomplished!

Yep, That's Calculus in your Mouth

Ugh! I have to go to the dentist tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. I haven't been to the dentist in, like, 2 years. I avoid going to the dentist like the plague, but it's high time for a cleaning. Plus, I've got these wisdom teeth that have grown in that are gonna have to come out. It's not something I look forward to, but I think I finally psyched myself up for it. But I'll still wait for the doctor to tell me that I need them out before I agree to it.

Now all the sudden I'm brushing, flossing, and gargling very diligently all week before going to the dentist, thinking I'll reverse the effects of bad brushing habits. Ha!

Not only that but I've been wearing my retainer all week too. 16 weeks of braces in high school and I go and screw them up by not wearing my retainer except in emergency situations (like going to the dentist). And man, they hurt like hell trying to squeeze them back into my mouth. But in the morning, my teeth feel like they moved back to their correct positions. Dr. Rosenberg will surely be impressed.

Going to the dentist is the most un-sexy thing people do. I mean, you've got your mouth wide open and there's a doctor that 2 inches from your face. I'm always worried he'll notice my nose hair or my bad complexion (well, in high school I was worried about the complexion, but it's chilled out since then). And then you get this "spider web" from your mouth to the bowl everytime you spit. Gross. And then when you leave, you have that crappy dentist smell on your clothes and that powder residue around your mouth from the latex gloves. I'm not looking forward to it.

Mental note: schedule next dentist appointment for 2007.

Shoot First, Ask Questions Later

I never thought that I would be posting so much about Hurricane Katrina, but I feel like it's so compelling how weather can all of the sudden become a political, environmental and racial issue. For me, I don't really see it one way or the other. For me, it's a human story beyond the bounds of politics or race.

However, saying that, I want to add the now infamous words from Kanye West. Words that sparked the use of a microscope to see if there was something nefarious lying underneath the now toxic waters.

“I hate the way they portray us in the media. You see a Black family, it says, “They’re looting.” You see a white family, it says, “They’re looking for food.”

“And, you know, it’s been five days (waiting for federal help) because most of the people are Black. And even for me to complain about it, I would be a hypocrite because I’ve tried to turn away from the TV because it’s too hard to watch. I’ve even been shopping before even giving a donation, so now I’m calling my business manager right now to see what is the biggest amount I can give.

“And just to imagine if I was down there, and those are my people down there. So anybody out there that wants to do anything that we can to help – with the way America is set up to help the poor, the Black people, the less well-off, as slow as possible. I mean, the Red Cross is doing everything they can. We already realize a lot of people that could help are at war right now, fighting another way. And they’ve given them permission to go down and shoot us!”

After Mike Myers had read his lines from the script, Kanye threw caution to the winds, saying, “George Bush doesn’t care about Black people!”

Now I don't entirely agree or disagree with Kanye's powerful statements. I honestly don't believe that G Dub told FEMA or the military to "check the color of their skin before you save them." But I do think that something happened, I just can't put my finger on it.

The whole point of my blog today is to say that with the mainstream media today, we'll never know what happened. The truth is out there, though. And being a media studies major when I was in college, I've been given the knowledge to at least know a few places to look. I read today of the ethnic mix that New Orleans housed before the storm came ashore. Not only African Americans, but also a large population of Koreans, Vietnamese, and Latinos lived there. And these ethnic groups have their own media outlets. "Alternative media!", I thought to myself. I can now get someone else's point of view. So I've included links here for you, I hope you can take minute to look through them. No matter what you think, or who's fault it is, I hope you find a human story that grips you. Because, after all, we're all human.

Alternative Media Sources

The Afro-American Newspapers
New California Media
Radio Saigon Houston
The Korea Times
La Opinion
Mother Jones

It's a Good Thing

I'm relieved to finally see Martha Stewart's new show finally air. Marcia Cross was her first guest and it was a little disturbing to see Martha in a different light. She actually said something to the effect of "I have to go out and get new underwear", in response to comparisons between Brie (Marcia's character on Desperate Housewives) and herself. Although it's scary to imagine a 60-year old woman going out buying lingerie, I think it's refreshing. I now see that my aspirations of being a Martha Stewart in my own home are just that much more attainable now that I know that Martha is just like every other woman in America.

Martha also showed Marcia how to fold a shirt in 3 steps. 3 steps!!! The lady is a genius, and I can't seem to get enough of her and her great ideas. I really thought the content of her magazines weren't as good when she had to leave, and I'm anxious to read about her ideas once again.

And the woman can make jail jokes. One segment in which she surprises two Italian ladies preparing dinner, she's sitting at a table learning a card game. She quips that she should know every game there is because she got a book on them whilst in jail. She has no shame. And hey, I think it wins her fans.

Today's episode will be the "poncho episode" and David Spade will be a guest. I know what I'll be doing at 6:00 tonight when I get home from work!

Before I close, it would be very un-Martha of me to leave you hanging on how to fold a t-shirt. So I've included a link here. Enjoy.

How to Fold a Shirt

Wedding Du Jour, Part I

This weekend, Joe and I went to a wedding reception for Beau and his long-time girlfriend Jen. Beau is a friend of Joe's, by way of Josh, that he met through snowboarding.

They had a nice simple reception after their wedding at the top of the ski resort. Down in the lodge, drinks and a vegetable plate was served and then there was the toast. Friends of the couple delivered very sweet messages about the happy couple. And then there was grandpa. Don't get me wrong, he said very nice things about how happy he was to see the twosome marry. And then at the end, he gave a short prayer before everyone ate dinner, and slipped this one into the prayer:

"Thank you God, for making this crooked road straight."

Like, what the crap is that supposed to mean?! I was slightly annoyed at this, as I thought it was a tad back-handed. Just not appropriate, no matter how you felt about the marriage. Anyway, I then asked people at the table what they thought about it, and they agreed that it was very suspect.

I understand that it's a different generation. But people co-habitate prior to marriage now and it's completely acceptable. I don't think that anyone has a place to judge other people just because they mix up the order in which they do things. They're still good people on the inside.

I guess it annoyed me because it occurred to me that people probably think the same about Joe and I. In the end, we're doing things at our own pace and this is what we're comfortable with. For those that say that marriage is the beginning of a beautiful relationship for the rest of our lives...thanks but no thanks. This is the rest of our lives. Joe and I are already living it and have been for 6 years. I don't think any of this is a waste or a "preamble" to better times. We are living the good life right now as you are reading this.

Sorry Gramps, but this crooked road is happy just the way it is.

Public Service Announcement #1

I just wanted to take some time to ask anyone and everyone to make a donation to benefit those affected by the hurricane, if you have not already done so.

But most importantly - don't forget about the pets! Rescue efforts are still ongoing at this very moment to recover abandoned animals. Having 2 cats myself, I don't think I could leave Felony behind. But if I did, I can only imagine how scared, hungry and thirsty he would be by now. Plus, he has a medical condition. If you are a pet owner and happen to have extra supplies, animal shelters are in need of food, water, blankets, collars and toys for the immediate influx of pets that are being taken in. Monetary donations are also needed. Pet stores are beginning to sell special collars to raise money for the cause (they are kind of like those LIVE STRONG bracelets). Call your local Humane Society or ASPCA for information on what you can do.

I can only hope that the animals will be reunited with their owners who have otherwise lost everything.

Well folks, that's my do-goodery of the day. Have a great weekend.

Make Sure You Look After Dad

So my mom is in Montreal for 2 weeks. And dad's at home doing who knows what. She asked me to visit a few times to make sure he's ok. Not that he's frail or anything, but just to make sure he eats and stuff. Which is fine, I can totally do that. In fact, I think I'll head over there today and make dinner. Jules says that he works nights so I have to make dinner that's refrigerate-overnight friendly. And I have to pack in a take-to-work friendly box. Ok, those are doable too.

But what's not doable is hanging out there if he's actually home. See, things are still a little strained. Things are definitely weird, especially knowing that he hangs in the balance of losing his cushey government job. I don't know what happened, but I'd venture to guess that the gambling problem he has is catching up with him. Karma's a bitch.

Anyway, things are weird because I don't know what to do when he's around anymore. Like we are totally different people now and we don't know each other anymore. Sometimes it's hard to believe that the same blood runs through our veins. It's very hard to believe.

I don't know if he's in trouble or if he needs help financially. No one knows for sure. He doesn't tell anyone, not even my mom. Like, he keeps everything very secret. All we know for sure is that he wakes up and goes to another job that he's taken to help pay the lawyer's retainer that may help him get his job back. And then he comes home. He's also still getting paid from the government while they are waiting on a decision to give him his security clearance back. And that's all we know.

I do feel bad but I don't know what to do. What can I do? It's just not right to ask him. He gets fidgety and then he looks down at the floor, shrugs, and mumbles something to the effect that he's ok. And I don't go any further than that. It's just too much stress to have to ask. It's just so awkward.

So I will go over there tonight after work to give him $35 for fixing the whirring noise that my car was making and make something for him eat. And that's as much father-daughter bonding that either of us can take.

Football Hooligans

So Julie and I are both managing our own football fantasy teams. Not football football mind you. English football, er soccer, if you will. We had been doing this since I was still in college at Telegraph when it was still free. And they had the best site, the best graphics, and the most fun. But then it became pay to play. So we ditched Telegraph and haven't found a place to play until now.

So now we are playing Fantasy Football linked to football365. It's not as good in the graphics department, but it's gotten Jules and I back in the game. And this time, I'm beating her!

I've already had to transfer two players due to injury, and I'm only in seven thousandth place. But hopefully my trades will keep me in the top half of the world rankings. That's my ultimate goal, even if I eventually lose to Julie (who is usually very good at picking players and minding the budget) I just want to at least make a good showing in the world ranking. I think it's really cool that I'm ranked against football managers from Singapore to Birmingham. It makes things so much more interesting.

I've resurrected the name of my team from the old Telegraph days, but the players are not same. All is well though, these players are at least keeping me ahead of Jules.

So this is where I introduce you to...The Coat Racks Reunited. Mind you, they were only known as the Coat Racks at Telegraph. But I thought I'd add the Reunited bit to make a pun. Anyway...

The Coat Racks Reunited (using a 4-4-2 formation)
El Hadji
Darren Bent

Robert Pires
Claudio Reyna
Muzzy Izzet
Trevor Sinclair

Kolo Toure
Ledley King
Mikael Silvestre
Renato Paulo Ferreira

Nigel Martyn minding the goal

Jose Mourinho managing

So there's my team at the moment. Claudio was my most recent transfer as Stewart Downing went injured in the last week. And I had to tranfer out Solskjaer straight away in the first month because he wasn't playing any games and now he's gone injured. I placed Darrent Bent as a substitute and he's been working out well. Ledley King. I've been hesitant in transferring him because he is due back from injury any week now. Plus newer injuries are popping up that are more urgent. So Ledley is still on the team, but he may go at next month's transfer.

The thing that made Telegraph so great was that you could keep 2 or 3 players on the bench to make the most of the games that were being played on any given week and to tend to the injured. But Fantasy Manager here doesn't do that. You get exactly the number of players as there are on the field, no more. It makes things more difficult.

I'll try to keep you posted on my standings and any transfers that may happen from now till the end of the season. In the meantime, I've added a link to Football365 in case you were thinking about taking up hooliganism as a side project.

Oh When The Saints Come Marching In

I drove my mom to the airport this morning, she's on her way to visiting my sister Rachel in Montreal for two weeks. On the way there, my mom told me that her cousins are ok. Some are temporarily housed on a military base in Houston, whilst some are in Baton Rouge. They have little to no belongings and probably called my other cousin Quang by calling card. So obviously we have no way to contact them.

They were lucky. They evacuated just as Hurricane Katrina was coming ashore, while their car could still drive through passable roads and the water didn't pose a risk of drifting. I already forget half the conversation with my mom but I think she said that the home they had in New Orleans is completely damaged. They would have to start over. Of course, my mom would love to have them here. She has tons of room at home and would quite enjoy the company.

Needless to say, I'm happy to hear that everyone is safe, sad to hear about the condition of their home. But it would be nice to have everyone live close together....

Random Shite #1

Right so, it's already the 2nd of September and I'm thinking about Halloween. I really want Joe and I to go as Ghostbusters but I don't think I have him convinced yet.

Why do people complain about their dogs? They're only animals. Do they suppose they are self-sufficient and can solve their own problems? I suppose dogs are meant to be able to walk themselves when they need exercise. YOU are suppose to take care of THEM. That's why they are called pets.

I like how I always feel sleepy at work at the same time everyday. I also like how the air conditioning is fixed at a frigid temperature at which I need to wrap myself in a blanket at my desk. So now I'm sleepy and I have a blanket on. I really like how these two items come together and the end result is an employee sleeping on the job.

I can't stand the fact that when I see watering eyes, I get the waterworks too. I don't know, I guess I'm real sappy.

What's so wrong with looting if the medicine is only going to go bad anyway? Nothing will be salvaged, it's all going to be damaged out at the corporate office, so why not? Take it! If you can take it without getting shot, then you deserve to keep it.

Living Below the Poverty Line

So this whole Hurricane Katrina thing turned out to be a disaster. I called my mom on Tuesday and asked her if she new anything about her cousins. Whether they stayed or left for higher ground. She said she hadn't talked to them in a while and didn't know what their plans were or whether they were even alive.

It sort of bothers me that people keep comparing this to other disasters that are totally different. Take for instance, the tsunami. There really is no comparison and besides, the conditions are completely different. For one thing, people in New Orleans are reminded every year through PSAs what to do in the event of natural disaster. America has an early warning system for hurricanes. America has insurance. America has looters. None of these were or are available in Indonesia. The only thing that is similar is the poverty and the water. And even then, the level of poverty is different. So really the only thing that is really the same is the water and the water crisis that they are having. The inability to tend to the dead is disparaging. And to think that there are bodies that belong to someone just trapped in an attic is very sad.

Years ago, when I was still a teen, I visited my sister before her graduation from UNO. It has great weather and a wonderful culture. Friendly people just trying to make an honest living. The food was out of this world. You knew you weren't in York PA anymore, it may as well be a different country. With a French and Spanish background, the place was truly a melting pot. Something that York is still 150 years behind on.

The day that I was in French Quarter there was a movie shoot that starred Patrick Swayze in what would then become the movie "Father Hood". I actually saw Patrick Swayze in person. It was kind of cool, of course I didn't really care for Swayze but whatever, I saw a bonfide star. Although the movies often shoot in New Orleans, I thought that they never did the city justice. It was more romantic, rustic, and mysterious than they ever made it out to be. And I'm glad that I have first hand personal memories to remember the city with.

So I suppose this goes out to you, Crescent City. May the beignets be warm again, the jazz fill the air again, and the bourbon pour freely again. Cheers!

Joe's Wooden Finger

So Joe bashed his knuckles into the oil pan this weekend and was praying to all gods that he wouldn't have to go to the hospital on a Saturday to get stitches. Apparently all accidents happen on Saturdays and it doesn't matter what is wrong with you (say you've been shot by a rival gang member) you'll be sitting in the waiting room.

Luckily no one's said 'dude, you should really go to the hospital for that', so he took it as an indication that everything would be ok. He's got a popsicle stick taped to it to prevent from bending his finger and opening up the gash even wider. I looked at it yesterday and it's quite clean but a little black and blue from the bash it took.

Needless to say he was upset that it was his beer drinking hand. I'm a little upset because he uses that hand for lots of other things. Not only that but he keeps putting his keys in his right pockets and then can't get them out. You never really realize how important your right ring finger is until it's out of commission.

Well look at it this way Joe. You're that much closer to having a hook for a hand and fulfilling your life long dream of being a pirate. Aargh!

Man's Best Friend

I tore up my stomach Saturday night at Natron's birthday party. I felt like I had to vomit but I couldn't. It was so bad. But I had a great time nonetheless. That's a pretty cool crowd to be at a party with. They aren't too numbskulled.

The more Joe and I see dogs, the more Joe wants a puppy. I always see that tear just about ready to form in his eye when he starts thinking about his own puppy. There was a nice looking one-year old boxer there that was very well behaved. We were very impressed with that dog. And then there was a little 18 month old black something, I forget, that was so cute. It belongs in a laundry softener commercial. He keeps watching that Dog Whisperer show on the National Geographic channel- or whatever- and he sees these dogs. He gets all excited and then tells me about these poor little dogs that need to be taken better care of.

Joe even has a name picked out, if we get a boy dog -- Pibber. Named after the great party beer Pabst Blue Ribbon. I can actually imagine Joe out in the backyard playing with a new black lab puppy. That would be so cute.

Me, I'm still attached to Felony. I don't think any cute animal could come between me and the baloney. He's much too cute and handsome to come second banana to a newbie.

Until then, we will only be dreaming of little Pibber.

I'm Obsessed About A Girl

So basically the whole reason I've come back is because I've become compulsively obsessed about Kate Simmerson. I don't know what the deal is, but she really gets under my skin. I've felt crappy for the last two days and she's made me second guess myself. How dare she!

I just feel like she's out there and being the life of the party. While Joe loses his old friends because he's with me. I realize I'll never be part of a certain point in his life and that the only things I can do is forge new memories that he'll cherish more than the times he had in high school. But believe me, it's really hard to do.

I think that now that i've gotten these ill feelings out on the table, I can move forward. That is until I see her again and that nasty smirk she has.

I'm back and I think I have things to actually say now.

OK Kids. I'm back and I think I have things to actually say now. So hopefully this will get a little more interesting for you now instead of reading about me at work. That was so boring.

I have people that irk me to talk about and things to complain about and I've come back to finally get things off my chest.

I'll gather my thoughts and come back with some fresh ideas.

See you then.