Home Stretch

Remember when I made the resolution to walk/jog one mile for every day of the year? Well, folks, I stuck with it and I am now officially in the home stretch. December is my last month and I've already done 4 miles today. That's 27 more miles to reach my goal. Yahoo!

My Shitlist (to date)

People I wish would fall of the face of the earth:

-that old hag that I had a stand-off with at the gas station.

-that dick that cut me off TWICE in his stupid ass truck

-the idiot that asked if i was at the courthouse for the naturalization ceremony

-the other idiot that figured i'd be good at volleyball

-another idiot that asked if i ever wanted to go back to my country AFTER finding out that i was born in america

-various dumbasses that have called me a liar to my face

-and Jude Law

-heck, why not Omarosa too

Hectic Holidays

We are less than 2 weeks away from closing on our house. It's surreal, I still can't believe I'm moving out of the apartment and into a house. I have to remember to take all the pictures of the apartment and building that I've always wanted to take in the next 6 weeks.

We have to devise a few lists: a house wish list, a Christmas list, a party guest list, a to do list for moving... aaaahhh, I feel like the list goes on and on.

Anyway, I'm hoping to start the house wish list tonight.

House Beautiful

Joe and I are less than 3 weeks away from settling on a house. It's a stressful time, just waiting around. And I'm awfully sad about moving out of the apartment. It's just what I've always wanted in an apartment. The loft has just been really good to us.

But moving into a house will be an interesting adventure. There'll be more room for the cats to run and jump and room for us to entertain and stuff. The only thing I can do to keep the stress at bay is to think about the dressing room we'll have and the decorating and painting we'll do to really make the house our home.

There are a lot of things we need though. And that makes us really stressed out. All those things we never had but will need with a new house and the money we'll need to acquire those things. It's just a daunting project that we need to tackle one day at a time.

With the holidays upon us, I just can't help but get anxious about everything.

Highlights from Halloween

Foreigner in My Own Country: At the Courthouse

I've decided to start a new regular post named "Foreigner in My Own Country" to keep track of the stupid things people say to me related to my race/ heritage. I'm not going to bother going back in time and recount all the stupid stuff, you can ask Joe if you are interested. I'm going to start with today and see how this goes.

This morning, Joe and I went to the courthouse to apply for passports. At 8 am, there's a large influx of people coming in: early birders trying to get shit done and employees coming in for the daily grind. At the front door, one security guard was taping a sign on the door. Something about the naturalization ceremony being moved/ changed/ canceled/ whatever. Of course, of the crowd of people at the door he stops me and asks whether I was there for the naturalization ceremony.

Now, I know what I look like. But do you honestly think any person that isn't white is there for the naturalization ceremony? Why did he ask me of all people?

Halloween Hall of Fame

I love Halloween. It's so much fun dressing up and partying. Over the past few years, we've been a fixture at Aaron and Alisha's Halloween parties and we are usually front runners for prizes, whatever the categories are.

I can't tell you what we're dressing up as this year. We always keep it a secret until the day of the party. But I'd like to flip back to previous years and recall some great costume ideas. Plus, this gives me a chance to inventory my stuff. Feel free to call me if you need a costume.

French maid- this was back in college when me, Joanne, and Dan were all into Rocky Horror. I have the standard issue dress with apron and hair band. I bought a feather duster well afterwards to complete the outfit.

Catwoman- I bought a shiny black catsuit a few years ago for Catwoman the Julie Newmar years. I've actually worn it twice now. And it's best worn backwards, because the zipper in the back is just corny. Plus I have a cool retro belt, cat ear headband, and cat eye mask.

Oompa Loompa- A really fun and easy costume. I bought a red turtleneck shirt and white painters overalls. Paired with an old pair of mary janes and striped soccer socks. I had to do some creative sewing to really complete the look, big fun buttons and hemming the pant legs up. Green hair spray and orange makeup made this costume hilarious.

Willy Wonka- Joe of course, was Willy Wonka that year too. We made a purple jacket and vest one piece from a pattern. The purple coat is corduroy and the sea green vest attached is satin. We also made a brown top hat from a pattern too. We bought a brown bow tie and a cane to complete the costume. I reckon the jacket/vest piece could double for a Joker costume too.

Witch- I went as the Wicked Witch of the West once, but this costume can so easily be any generic witch. I have a long tiered black skirt and a black turtlneck. Topped with a cape, a hat, a broom, and green makeup and that's it!

Flying Monkey- We made this costume from a pattern to match my witch costume. This is a black/grey fur costume with brown trim. Joe also made black nylon wings to complete the look. This is a super hilarious costume and is sure to win awards.

Napoleon and Pedro- This is super easy to do and it was topical, so people loved it. If you don't already own a Vote for Pedro t-shirt, there's an iron-on decal available on the internet. Get some cheapo reading glasses from a pharmacy in the right shape, some old moon boots from Salvation Army and we had a simple costume. Finding cheap cowboy boots was difficult. So was finding a bolo tie. But I fashioned a bolo tie out of some shoestring and a brooch and found a cheap cowboy shirt and boots at Wal-Mart. A simple short shag wig and a drawn on moustache and that's all it took to become Pedro.

I have some random props: a magic lamp, a pair of handcuffs, an eyepatch, various gold medals, lab coats, a racing suit, a one piece sitting robe that looks a little outer space, various pieces of a school uniform.

Edward Scissorhands- This was a difficult costume to execute and I've seen it done so well on the internet. But we decided to go with the Edward-at-home look. A black turtle neck, a white oxford shirt overtop and some suspenders. Joe fashioned some scissorhands out of foam board attached to cheap black gloves. Don't forget to figure in a way to unzip pants so you can pee. A bunch of punk rock wristbands and belts and there you have it. You really need to concentrate on the makeup too, it can easily get botched up. I recommend watching the movie and printing pictures for reference.

Movie Review: Knocked Up

This movie is like watching a class reunion of Freaks and Geeks. I think almost all the cast members of that show was in the movie. Instead of Katherine Heigl, it could have been Linda Cardellini and it would have been complete.

Anyway, the movie was funny. Not as funny as 40-Year-Old Virgin, but still funny. It had some serious moments and stuff since it's about babies and whatever but I think it's still worth a rent. Like, what do you expect when you get pregnant after a one night stand?

If you get the unrated version, you don't really see any naked boobies. Sorry.

3 eggrolls out of 5.

Random Shite #12

FA Premier League- I started my fantasy team a little late but so far it's going okay. I'm ranked 803,287th so far overall. It's still in the bottom half and I slacked during the last week, but I'm making some good points with Van Persie and Fabregas. We're off this week but I figured I'd give you guys an update.

Okay. Crazy science fiction shit has been happening. My previous post was about crazy amoeba boring holes up to the brains of young boys in the Southwest. Now I saw a video of some dude who had an ear grafted to his arm. No kidding. Look at this...

Talk to the hand

Remember back in March when I told you about Creature Feature? Well, I saw them live in Baltimore this week and they killed it. You really need to listen to them.

Joe and I recently decided on our Halloween costumes. I can't tell you what they are now. But I promise it'll be super cool. I bought a pattern and fabric this week so I've got a sewing project underway in full force. Hint: old-skool TV show characters.

I may be taking a trip to Vietnam in January. Other than the serious mental and psychological issues I'll have going there, I think it'll be an interesting time. Joe said he'd go with me, so at least I'll have a someone to share the experience with. I'll keep you updated on the plans.

Possible Zombie Cover-Up?

Brain-eating Lake Amoeba Kills 6 Boys in US

A killer amoeba that thrives in warm-water lakes, enters the body through the nose, then feeds on a victim's brain until they die has caused the deaths of six boys and young men in America this year.

And even though encounters with the microscopic death-dealer are extraordinarily rare,the dramatic increase in cases has health officials predicting more cases in the future because of global warming.

"This is definitely something we need to track," said Michael Beach, a specialist in recreational waterborne illnesses for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. "This is a heat-loving amoeba. As water temperatures go up, it does better. In future decades, as temperatures rise, we'd expect to see more cases."

The amoeba called Naegleria fowleri (nuh-GLEER-ee-uh FOWL’-erh-eye) killed 23 people in the United States, from 1995 to 2004, according to the CDC. This year health officials noticed a spike with six cases — three in Florida, two in Texas and one in Arizona. The CDC knows of only several hundred cases worldwide since its discovery in Australia in the 1960s.

Though infections tend to be found in southern states, Naegleria lives almost everywhere in lakes, hot springs, even dirty swimming pools, grazing off algae and bacteria in the sediment.

Beach said people become infected when they wade through shallow water and stir up the bottom. If someone allows water to shoot up the nose — say, by doing a somersault in chest-deep water — the amoeba can latch onto the olfactory nerve.

The amoeba destroys tissue as it makes its way up into the brain, where it continues the damage, "basically feeding on the brain cells," Beach said.

People who are infected tend to complain of a stiff neck, headaches and fevers. In the later stages, they'll show signs of brain damage such as hallucinations and behavioral changes, he said. Once infected, most people have little chance of survival.

Atlanta: The Guide (Part 3)

The World of Coca-Cola- New building, new exhibits. Including a 4-D (yes, 4D!) show and of course, that room full of soda fountains from around the world. Careful though, some of those sodas are a tad unfriendly.

The Vortex- The place where all the cool cats go to eat. They boast no-nonsense service and awesome burgers.

Loca Luna- dance dance dance dance salsa dance dance dance dance...

Atlanta: The Guide (Part 2)

Rugged Wearhouse- Thrift stores are fun. You should really go when you're in need of retail therapy of the third-world-poor kind.

Souper Salad- I sure love salad. If you agree, find yourself one of these and pig out to your hearts desire.

Sutra- dance dance dance dance dance dance.

Lucky Buddha- 24 hour Chinese and Thai take out. Hits the spot after a night of dancing.

Atlanta: The Guide (Part 1)

Junkman's Daughter- The best alternative store in Atlanta. If you think Hot Topic is for losers, you should go to Atlanta and visit Junkman's Daughter.

Sweet Lime- Yummy Thai food in a cute little restaurant and cute waitstaff. Little 5 Points, Atlanta.

BJ's on Hwy 58- Some neighborhood bar with bands and DJ's. Chattanooga, bitches.

Atlantic City: The Guide

If you ever find yourself in Atlantic City, you'll probably stay at one of the casinos and spend the whole time there. They build those suckers so you never have to leave.

I was there not too long ago for a bachelorette party and stayed at the Taj Mahal. Here is a guide to all the stuff you can do there aside from gambling.

The Rim- The Rim is a Chinese/ Vietnamese noodle bar. The food was good but, as with all Vietnamese, not like my grandma's. The congee I ordered was bland, but I heard the sweet and sour chicken and pho was delicious.

Ego Bar & Lounge- Ego is a lot like the hotspots you read about in Hollywood. There are private tables that can be curtained off and the lighting is super dark. So things could happen if you were on a date or you're single and ready to mingle.

Casbah Night Club- Casbah is a club that opens at 10:30 pm and closes at 6:30 am. Girls get in for free, guys pay a ridiculous cover plus drinks. Dance until your feet hurt and meet new people. Plus, they have go-go dancers that are actually pretty good.

Plate- Go to this place for breakfast, they make excellent eggs, toast, and hash browns.

Girls Night Out

My social calendar recently added 2 events that are more or less all-girl. First a bachelorette party in Atlantic City and then an all-girl outing with my bestest girl Joy in Atlanta. These are the types of activities I think Joe should be weary of and yet he isn't. Curious.

Elevators and the People In Them

Know what I hate? Strangers trying to chit chat on the elevator. I rather prefer uncomfortable silence, thank you. It's more tolerable than listening to you chortle over which level you parked your car. It's definitely more tolerable than wondering out loud whether the first floor or the ground floor takes you to the street. Duh people! The ground floor takes you to the street! That's why there's a star next to the G on the button!

Beer League vs. Beer Fest

Ever notice how sometimes a movie comes out in theaters and like, a week later the very same movie comes out again? It's sort of like a collective think tank in Hollywood comes up with all the ideas. That's what I was thinking when last year, both Beer League and Beer Fest came out in theaters (or straight to DVD, whichever). The difference is, one was passable and the other was simply horrible.

Beer Fest is about these 2 brothers that discover they are related to cocky beer guzzlers in Germany and go home vowing to show up those sonsabitches at next year's Beer Fest. It's unrated, so you see some naked boobies, there's a few funny guys from Super Troopers or whatever and, this is key, there's a plot. And characters. And it's funny.

Beer League on the other hand, was the brainchild of Artie Lange of Howard Stern fame. Some motley group of losers who play softball and they're always drunk and get beat by some cocky sonsabitches. And they vow to beat those cocky sonsabitches by the end of the season or else get relegated to a different league. The movie just wasn't that great. There're no naked boobies in this movie. So you decide which movie you'd rather see.

Sophalopalus: Cultural Learnings of Boys for Make Benefit of Clueless Girl

Lesson 1: Guys decide within the first 30 seconds of meeting a girl if he wants to bang her.

This surprises me and at the same time it doesn't surprise me. The part that surprises me is that every single guy is like that (except maybe the ones with a Jesus problem) and that they make these decisions on every girl they meet. In other words, this is not a function that can be turned off.

What also makes me wonder is how you guys can act cool and calm around us all the time, when in fact you are thinking about getting laid. I mean, there are guys I've met that I'm cool with and they have never, ever hinted at the notion of bleeping my whatever (or whatever it is that you think). So I've concluded that Lesson 1 is kind of creepy.

Lesson 2: If they could, guys prefer to have sex every single day. (And sometimes twice a day)

Duh. That's a no-brainer. But here's where girls should pay attention. If you hold out/ cut them off/ whatever no-sex punishment you choose, they will look elsewhere. In this lesson, you should note that this is where "playerism" lies. Even if a girl can agree to sex every other day, that's reason for a guy to play 2 girls so he can get laid every single day. Get that?

Discussion Points: Think about how this plays into a relationship. If the above lessons are true, then why would a guy agree to be exclusive with or even marry one girl? Are rules of a relationship made up entirely by females? And guys just agree and play along because they know it at least guarantees them a certain amount of sex? Yeah, it's a lot to think about!

Food Crazes: A Summary

Joe and I go through lots of food crazes. We like something, and then soon enough we really like it. Pizza is a house favorite, but some things come into our house and then we're eating it like there's no tomorrow. Here are some examples of some phases we've gone through.

The Burrito Phase.
This all started with the burrito degollado at El Rodeo. This was a breakthrough for Joe because he'd been afraid of beans since childhood. Ever since then, I can expect the burrito response 1 out of every 3 times I ask.

The Pineapple Phase.
Like a lot of people, we were intimidated by the pineapple. How do you cut those things anyway? Well, we figured it out and ate maybe 2 whole pineapples per week. Whenever we ran into people at the grocery store, they'd raise they're eyebrows at the pineapples in our cart. That lasted maybe all of the beginning of summer.

Italian Ice Phase.
Rita's Italian ice was an obsession for 2 whole summers. We probably stopped there once or twice every weekend. I love the custard, the thickest I've ever come across. I'm a big fan of fruity flavors, especially all the red colored ones. Joe was partial to the banana split sundae.

Peach Phase.
Right now, we're in the midst of a peach phase. Joe gets these peaches from a farm stand on his way from work and we can't seem to get enough. I think it's safe to say we're eating a dozen peaches a week. They're in season right now, so they're super delicious.

This Screw is Screwy

I always thought green or blue eyes with jet black hair looked cool. So that's why I'm getting color contacts. Green for me, please. Blue is so played out.

I'll also change back to blue-black hair too so I look super duper cool.

But in the meantime, I had the guy fix my glasses because my lens keeps popping out. I think the thread is stripped from the screw that keeps the thing together so it just keeps spinning without tightening. In french, the saying would be "la vis est folle", which literally translates to 'the screw is crazy'.