Pop Culture Files: Case Number 001

You might remember the totally heinous album by Stone Temple Pilots called Purple.

What you might not know about the cover art is that it was nicked from a Chinese red envelope given to children during Lunar New Year.

The Girl Who Spelled Freedom

When I was in 6th or 7th grade, I really related to this movie. It's about a girl from Southeast Asia who comes to America and becomes a spelling bee champ. I'm not FOB, but I am Asian and I did win some spelling bees in my day.

These Things Actually Happened to Me

While in Italy, a trio of Italian strangers asked if they could have a photo with me in front of the Spanish Steps. They obviously thought I was another famous movie star...ha!

Joe's off kilter uncle, upon meeting me, asked me what the exchange rate with the yen was nowadays.

A complete stranger attempted to speak Chinese to me at a bar, in front of a bunch of people. I had the dubious honor of telling him I had no idea what he said.

A crazy guy on a bike stopped me during my lunch time walk to ask me whether I was half Mexican.

Those Germans Have the Right Idea

While beer may be regarded in the USA as a drug just a few notches down the intoxicant ladder from heroin, it is more or less considered a soft drink in Germany.

Witness the hearty German construction worker knocking back a can of Pilsner on the underground on the way to work, having another with lunch, then celebrating the end of the working day with a third (brought along, with admirable foresight, in his knapsack) on the way home.

Expatica

Movie Review: The Station Agent

This was a good movie Joe and I rented thru Netflix and we were pleasantly surprised. It's about a midget named Finn who inherits an abandoned train depot. He tries to live a quiet life but ends up meeting a hot dog vendor and an unhinged artsy lady. That's about all I can tell you, there isn't really much more to the movie than that. But don't take it as though it's a boring movie, it's actually very good and you'll grow to like Finn as a person instead of treat him as a novelty.

This movie gets 4 eggrolls out of 5.

Random Shite #6

Harrisburg is the capitOl of Pennsylvania. Not the capitAl. That misspelling is all over Harrisburg (yes, even highway signs) and it drives me nuts!!!!!

I'm changing my movie review ratings. After hearing a story from Joe about Sirius radio's Wiseguys, I'm going to start using eggrolls to rate movies. Stay tuned for my review of The Station Agent.

MySpace is a bunch of crap! And yet there are a lot of people that use it. They just don't know the true power of Blogger. On a side note, I've added Joe's MySpace site to my links. Eh, go and see for yourself. Crap I tell you!

I have off for Martin Luther King Jr day and I plan to help Jules move apartments. If she so wishes for me to help her, that is. Other than that, possibly snowboard on some patchy hills and hopefully not bust my ass again. I took a nasty face plant on Monday.

Also, I'm blowing the cover and letting everyone know that there's a surprise birthday party for Manoni on Sunday. Expect a motley crue of folks coming by and partying on a Sunday night. I just noticed how old that makes me feel.

Sophalopalus, From A to Z

A is for Age:
27. I don't know how that happened.

B is for Booze of choice:
Bailey's on ice. But I drink cap'n'coke more often.

C is for Career:
Copy and Paster, frequent Button Pusher and Mouse Clicker.

D is for your Dog's name:
Dog's name would be Pibber, if only he existed.

E is for Essential items you use every day:
Couch. I can do just about anything on my big cushy couch.

F is for Favorite song at the moment:
Seriously? [Sigh] Uh, the first thing that popped in my mind is MCR's "I'm Not Okay".

G is for favorite Games:
I like Texas Hold 'Em a lot. But if I had to go old skool, I'd choose Centipede.

H is for Hometown:
York

I is for Instruments you play:
No instruments.

J is for Jam or Jelly you like:
I don't eat jam that often but if I had to choose, I'd pick strawberry.

K is for Kids:
No kids.

L is for Last kiss:
I'm sick so it had to be before Wednesday. Probably New Years Eve.

M is for Most admired trait:
Most people say I have the shiniest hair.

N is for Name of your crush:
Crush? Ha, that's just silly.

O is for Overnight hospital stays:
No hospital stays.

P is for phobias:
Drowning.

Q is for quotes you like:
"Let's get plastered and modify stuff".

R is for biggest Regret:
When Coach asked the class who doesn't want a class song, I should've raised my hand.

S is for Sweets of your choice:
I like fruity gummy candy.

T is for Time you wake up:
Alarm goes off at 6:30. I get out of bed at, like, 8:00.

U is for Underwear:
What's the question?

V is for Vegetable you love:
Cucumber

W is for Worst Habit:
Jittery legs.

X is for X-rays you've had:
My arms once. My upper and lower back multiple times. I have a lot of bone deformities.

Y is for Yummy food you make:
Egg rolls and ribs.

Z is for Zodiac sign:
Cancer

Review: Bubba Ho-Tep

It's about a nursing home that's haunted by a mummy who's looking for souls to suck through the butt. Who's gonna bust the living dead in this Texas home? Well, an elderly Elvis, of course. He's mistaken as one of those Elvis impersonators but the only person who believes he's really Elvis is a black man... who happens to think he's JFK.

The movie is sort of funny. The funniest bits are when the black man explains how he could possibly be JFK. They dyed him black to protect him from the assassins looking to finish him off and he's got a bag of sand for a brain.

If you're not into that kind of humor, this is probably not for you. But this one is worth renting.

Stabby McKnife

This year, I promise to do the following...

1. I'm going to start posting pictures. For real. I know, I've actually posted blogs referring to pictures that aren't even there. But for real now, in 2006 I'm really going to post pictures.

2. I'm going to start a fan page for these guys at Cutlery Corner. C'mon have you seen this show??? You don't know what you're missing. PAXTV channel 76 in my area at about 2:30 in the morning on Sundays. Where the hell else are you going to get something like this????

Cutlery Corner

Not only do you get this sweet sword but you get all the knives behind Tom for TWO BUCKS!!!! and they throw in genuine leather sheaths for free. FREE, people! Get your asses online and load up your arsenal. You won't know who you were without it.

We Drink To FREEDOM Toast Here

Drunk guy: Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead.
Drunk girl: What's that mean?
Drunk guy: It's an Irish toast.
Drunk girl: Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon.
Drunk guy: Huh?
Drunk girl: That's French toast.

Overheard in NYC by: Gradie Smith
Overheard In New York

Top 5 Christmas Highlights

1. My spankin' new computer. I'm so f-ing hi tech now.
2. Vacation time. I took off work between Christmas and New Years and I'm already all hyped about staying up late and watching Letterman. And waking up late. And watching daytime TV.
3. Watching people open presents. I really like giving gifts better than receiving them. And watching their reaction is part of it.
4. Playing with my new toys. I will dig out all my mending projects and get some practice with my new sewing machine.
5. Playing Blackjack at my parents' house. It's like playing at AC without the travel. I made $1.90

Does God Know About This?

A judge has ruled it unconstitutional to teach intelligent design as an alternative to evolution in a public school science classroom. Thank god! I mean, er, woo hoo!

On a side note, I went to Catholic school for 12 years and in biology class we were taught natural selection and the Big Bang Theory. I never questioned natural selection in a Catholic school. But now I see the irony.

Message to God: Hey man. I think you messed up with the pandas down here. They're animals that live in mountainous regions, right? And yet their primary food grows in tropical areas. Rather than letting nature run its course, we've got people down here at the World Wildlife Federation breeding them in captivity. Is that something you can handle? Or do I need to fill out a form for that?

There's a Sheet of Ice on the Parking Lot

Whenever the weather gets bad in the winter, people have the compulsion to go to the grocery store. The joke is that they go to stock up on milk and bread before they get snowed in, not knowing that milk and bread make nothing in the kitchen except soggy bread. A long shot would be french toast if you have eggs and electricity. The truth is that people actually do go to the grocery store...in droves. And they crowd the dairy aisle like there's no tomorrow.

Well last night was one of those nights. The forecast called for snow and ice and sleet and everything else in between. And I had to go to the grocery store. Thursday is my normal grocery store day anyway and I had to debate whether to go as part of my routine or to postpone until another day, just for the sake of sanity.

I decided not to betray my routine, as I often wind up in disaster if things don't go according to plan. So I left work early to get ahead on the wild traffic that would inevitably ensue, which of course backfired on me. It was everyone else's idea to leave work early as well and it took me nearly 40 minutes just to leave the city. It had been snowing for much of the day and it had just turned into ice before sundown, so traffic was incredibly slow moving. I decided to play it safe and stay in the right lane, I will not gamble with my life just to get to Giant earlier. By the time I passed Lewisberry, the ice was now rain and cars were a little more willing to drive faster. I made it to Giant by 6.30.

I think my decision for safety also got me there without major incident. Part of the reason I decide to go grocery shopping was because I was out of gas too. Knowing that I had to sit idle for much of my commute made me nervous, I hoped that I had enough fuel to at least make it there. So I decided to drive without turning the heat on. Yeah, seems drastic but the needle was actually on the last line and I had a slow 25 miles to go. Sure there were gas stations along the way but I didn't want to pull off and then contend with jerks who wouldn't let me back on the highway. Amazing, the needle stayed on the line the whole way to Queen St. I was lucky.

Of course I get to Giant and the place hasn't been plowed and no one put salt on the parking lot. So I practically ice skated from my car to the front door. But once inside I was amazed. Hardly anyone inside. I must've come late enough to have the huge crowds already checked out. I was able to get everything I needed, gas up, and get home in one piece. I don't highly recommend it, but if you have to go to the grocery store during a winter storm, I suggest going well after the snow has already started falling. And also go out and buy something other than milk and bread.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow

The forecast calls for snow tomorrow. Considering how cold it is today (12 degrees right now), the snow we could get will be super fluffy and pretty to watch. Joe is attempting to go snowboarding tonight. What a sucker! It's too cold for me to go snowboarding, even if I had warm clothes. It gets super cold when you're sitting on the lift for 5 minutes.

Our party on Saturday was a hit. I had a lot of fun and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. We served up great drinks and food and had a fun time with the trivia game and gift exchange. Who knew the phonograph Joe put together would be such a hit...

And dumbass Josh, of course, leaves his porn at our place. [shaking head]

Other highlights include:
* Barbie singing Frosty the Snowman and reveals that he actually has 2 noses.
* Aaron and Alisha dressing to the nines for our little shindig
* Having new people at our place for the first time, like Joe, Brett and Bobbi Jo
* Calyn getting locked out of her own apartment, thanks Paul!
* The group naming every poultry until they could figure out the Mr. Bean question
* The group breaking out into Deck the Halls, A Christmas Story-style

Baby It's Cold Outside!

I think we are finally going to get some snow. Allegedly 5 inches by morning, but we can never be sure. I'm debating whether to work closer to home tomorrow instead of trudging through traffic to get here. But then again, I checked UPS tracking and one of my gifts is suppose to arrive here at work tomorrow. Since tomorrow is Friday I don't want the gift to sit here all weekend long.

Hmmm...

I was thinking of trekking out into the cold tonight to get some shopping done for everyone else. It's going to be a rough night with the snow and other Christmas shoppers but I've done it before and vaguely remember coming out alive on the other end. So yes, I think I will do it and go out shopping tonight.

Does anyone have any ideas what a 20-something year old guy would want for Christmas? There aren't very many cool affordable things to get on the market this year. Thank god for Aquateen Hungerforce last year! If anyone has any ideas, let me know. I'll let you know how the shopping goes when I come back.

Alvin, Simon, Theodore!

I got my wisdom teeth extracted on Monday. Joe said he was surprised how fast it went. By the time he finished a 4 page article, the doctor came out to tell him we were done.

I cried when the anesthetist came out, I was scared of getting some big scary needle jabbed into my arm. It probably turned out to be a little needle that went into my hand. I don't know, I didn't look.

Joe took care of me all day Monday and he was surprised at how much I could eat. He said he wasn't in the mood to eat when he got his out. I was having apple sauce, jello, and tomato soup.

It's now Wednesday and I'm still sore and a little puffy. But thank god for drugs or else I wouldn't dream of coming to work today. But since it's the first of the month, I've got to get something started.

Random Shite #5

British boy band of the '90s, Take That, are reuniting! Robbie Williams will not be joining, but I think I speak on behalf of all Britons when I say it's about time.

I will be getting my wisdom teeth extracted on Monday morning, so I will be away for a few days. Sadly, it will also be a few days away from solid foods as well. I've stocked up the pantry with chicken noodle, tomato, and french onion soups. I would like to get some supplies for some smoothies this weekend.

I'm venturing out to the shops on Sunday. Ikea to return a few things and maybe pick up some small gifts. And possibly to the Asian market to get sushi sets. I'm at work today to avoid the hell that is early bird Black Friday hoardes.

I haven't started Christmas shopping yet, admittedly. And I'm still unsure of what to get for everyone this year. If anyone has good suggestions, I gladly welcome any ideas.

We buckled last night and turned on the heat for the first time this season. With temps getting down to 18 this weekend, no neighbor could possibly help keep our place warm enough. Damn those Canadians with their cold air!

I Like Some Turkey in a Big Brown Shoe

My parents had turkey dinner on Saturday since they are going to visit Jules on Thursday. Mmm...turkey. And this time, mom didn't cook it till it was as dry as sand. She must be getting more practice. I'm always in charge of the mashed potatoes, and then I bring it over and everything else is done.

Mom likes to make other stuff too. Like eggrolls and rice soup and deer stir fry. It's all good, the only thing is making room in my stomach to eat all of it.

All the relatives still treat Joe as a novelty. They think it's fun to tell him to 'try it', referring to any and all foreign foods that he may have not eaten before. But he's a brave guy and will try anything, much to everyone's delight. This time it was organs and shrimp paste. He refused the liver but tried the heart, dipped in the shrimp paste sauce. The stuff is super smelly and pungent, but it does taste pretty good with certain foods. I also gave him some durian fruit, which he had a few bites of and regretted later that evening. He kept burping durian fruit, and that's never something you want to relive after you've eaten.

So those are the crazy things that we have at Thanksgiving. Do you have any wacky foodstuffs at your family table?

Wish List

Dear Santa,

I would really like a laptop and get rid of the huge clunker that is currently occupying space and time in my apartment. And with that, something faster than dial up service would greatly be appreciated.

Some new cardigans would be nice, a lot of my sweaters are shrinking in the arms or shrinking all around. So if you do decide to bring sweaters this year, please check the label and make sure it's NOT dry clean only.

There are a few items that are a hassle to buy throughout the year so if you could stock me up with the following, it would be super sweet:
votive candles
liquor i.e., vodka, rum
toiletries i.e., lotion, body wash, hand soap

As you already know, I like to be organized when you come around every year. So some magazine files or some plastic boxes to keep things neat and tidy are good ideas for around the apartment.

Although I really don't need another MP3 player, I would like a new one since the one I own is already outdated in memory and people would laugh at me if they saw how little it stores. I'm not saying I want an ipod, any good quality MP3 player is fine by me.

I was very dazzled by the My Flat in London purse at the hat shop at the beach and I was good and didn't buy it. So I'm asking you to get me that purse now for Christmas. I think I deserve it. I promise I won't mistreat it if I get it for Christmas.

These are the major things I would like this year, Santa. I know I have a lot more to ask for but I'm pretty confident that my family will get me the other things. I hope to see these items under the tree, I know for a fact I was on the good kid list. Thanks Santa.

Sincerely,
Sophalopalus

Joe & Sophie's 3rd Annual Holiday Party

Food Folks & Fun!
Come celebrate the holidays with friends this season at Joe and Sophie's place.
December 10th at 9pm.
Bring a wrapped gift ($5 max please)
We'll be serving holiday inspired cocktails but feel free to BYOB.

RSVP regrets only.